That is because the older boys ran around turning off lights and closing curtains.
They wanted it to be as dark as possible when the big guy lit the candles.
But we stopped them from closing the curtain in the kitchen, and I'm glad we did, or we wouldn't have a video at all.
They were very excited nonetheless, as you can see and hear in the video.
When the big guy said, "I love you babe", I really wish I would have looked at him (and I mean REALLY LOOKED at him) and said, "I LOVE YOU TOO", rather than the quick glance and flippant response.
But instead, I was too intimidated by the camera and had a hard time looking that direction.
Silliness. It broke my heart. And I'm sure it stung his. I love you darling. I really, really do.
And I wish I would have acknowledged the "How old are you" being sung by the youngest son, who was back by the camera.
But I was too focused on trying to come up with a good wish and prayer, taking it far too seriously, and as a result, I didn't even hear him singing it - until I watched the video playback.
Silliness.
I wish we could go back and re-do it.
I would enjoy it for all it is.
Surrounded by LOVE and HAPPINESS.
And I would pay closer attention to what is being said and sung to me.
And not worry about trivial things, like how I look.
But, the upside of having a video camera is it also captures the good things.
I love watching how serious the oldest daughter is.
She grabbed my face with both hands several times that evening, and then gave me big smooches. Like this.
And she would look me dead in the eye and she would say, with a very serious expression, "Happy Birfday mom."
I love seeing the youngest daughter toddling around in the background.
I love seeing the oldest son being so happy and just acting his age.
I love hearing the big guy's voice singing to me. And calling me his 'lovely'.
I love the "Cha-cha-chas, and Scooby-doos, and Ma-ma-ma's and Blah-blah-blahs".
It was a good day.
Thank you to my wonderful husband and children.
I love you more than you will ever know.
...sigh I know exactly what you're saying. The best way for me to truly see myself is to watch myself on video. I realize how snippy and clippy I sound, even though I don't mean to. I realize that I need to listen more, to all the voices around me, because I usually miss a heartfelt "I love you" or an intense "I need help!". I realize that sometimes I look ornery when I'm feeling pleasant and happy. It's a great way for me to see myself the way others see me.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you had a nice birthday. :) I love seeing Little E rolling around in the background. :) Your family rocks. :)
Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteYou were pretty hard on yourself. It's not uncommon to be camera shy. It is very endearing that you wanted to be sure your guy and kids knew what your heart really feels. I just see myself on camera and think, "Wasn't I going to lose that weight? Isn't that what I was going to do??"
Happy Birthday. Hope it is the start of a very happy year for you.