And then the baby pooped a big stinky poop. She never poops in church. But today she did. The big guy was an usher today, so he had to make a mad dash out to get her to the restroom and get her changed and get back in time to start the collection. Why I did not do this is not fully understood.
When he got back from changing her diaper, she was hungry. So then there was the handoff to me. And I swooped out with her so I could nurse her. And usually she's pretty quick with her church-time nursings, but not today. She took a very, very long time. Almost through the entire homily. And when I thought she was done, I approached the door to go back in, and she doubled over in my arms and dove towards my chest and started beating on it, making it quite clear she was, in fact, NOT done. So out I went again to let her finish.
And then when I finally got back into the pew with the rest of my family, the 3 year old daughter started to act up. I'm not sure what her deal was. But she was scratching the boys' backs, pulling at their ears, picking through their hair, kicking them, whatever she could to get under their skin. So I pulled her over closer to me, but she started kicking at me and squealing. So then I had to pass off the baby to the big guy, pick the 3 year old up and hoist her out of the church out to the entry area where I knelt down, looked her dead in the eye and told her, "I am not happy with you right now. And now, I want you to be quiet, and behave.". I fully expected her to screech back at me, but instead, she shrugged and said, "Okay." Hallelujah. And then we went back in and she was fine.
And then there was the one time that I was
And then the big guy was gone doing his ushering duties and I was left with all 4 of them. Strangely enough, the 3 year old and the baby were behaving like little angels, but the 2 oldest children were now acting like crazed little beasts... punching each other in the arms, poking at each other, pushing each other and making deranged faces at each other. I kept shooting them glares, which were being blatantly ignored. So I finally leaned over to them, and said a little too loudly, as I'm fairly certain the families in front of us and around us heard me, "I already took the baby out, and then your 3 year old sister out. You guys are 8 and 10. You DON'T want me to have to take YOU out." And then I separated them, so I was between them. They were mortified.
And then, after mass was over and everyone was either filtering out of the church or standing around visiting, and I was getting the baby's snowsuit on, the oldest boy came over to me, and with a guilty expression said, "I need dad." I looked at him and growled, "WHY." And he pointed. To the wall in the back of the church. Where his Badger stocking hat was hanging. Did I say on the wall? Yeah. It was hanging on the wall of the church, about 9 feet up. I don't know how it got there, nor do I want to know. I just beckoned the big guy, pointed at the boy and then at the wall, and then I walked out. I don't know how they got it down. It was not discussed.
And then, just as we were walking out the door, I glanced around and realized one of our several children had gone missing. The big guy went one way to search for her, and the oldest 2 went another way to search for her, and as I stood out by the door waiting, I heard a little squeal, giggle, and shriek of, "HI GUYS!!!" I didn't even need to look to know that it was my 3 year old daughter that was currently being searched for. And I didn't even need to look up to know that she was way up in the choir loft, looking down at the parish families mingling about, waving and yelling down to them "Hellooooo! Hi guys! Hee Hee Hee!"
And then they found her and brought her out and we made our way out to the parking lot. Usually on the way home, there are praises about how good everyone was in church. Church behavior was not talked about on the way home today.
And that's what happened at church today.
God love ya. Hahahahahahaaa...
ReplyDelete