Birth Story

Friday, June 28

Appointments leading up to now showed I was 3-4 centimeters dilated.  Tonight the contractions started to become painful, and easy to time.  They kept me awake all night, and had me wondering at what point to wake up Justin. I eventually ended up back in bed, contractions 6 minutes apart, and that's the last thing I remember.  They obviously fizzled out, because I woke up Saturday morning with no more labor.

Saturday, June 29 - June 30 (due date)

Once again, contractions started slowly in the late evening.  By 1 am Sunday morning, they were timeable and getting more and more painful.  I got up and did a lot of laboring in the bathroom so as not to wake anybody.  I took a bath to see if that would help contractions pick up, or slow them down.  They picked up, and by 3am they were 5 minutes apart.  I woke up Justin, we got all packed, and woke up Logan to have him sleep on the couch in case the younger kids woke up.  We then hit the road to the hospital.

When we arrived at the hospital, the midwife on call hadn't arrived yet.  The nurse on duty checked me, and said I was at a 4.  I was super disappointed at that number, thinking I was further along than that.  She hooked me up to the monitor for 30 minutes, baby looked good so we hit the halls and started walking.  (Midwife Janice arrived at some point during all of that.)  I also used the birthing ball quite a bit, contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes and eventually I found myself so incredibly exhausted I was falling asleep between them, sitting on the ball and resting my head on the bed, and finally I just crawled into the bed.  I was so tired, I'd have a contraction, so painful I was moaning and breathing, and then promptly fall asleep and have strange dreams, wake up, do it all again 3-4 minutes later... over and over again, with Justin on one side of me, and midwife Janice on my other side.

At 7am I asked Janice to check my progress, and she found I was 6-7 centimeters.  Again I was disappointed, thinking I was further.  So Justin and I continued to walk and I bounced on the birthing ball, but I just couldn't get the contractions closer than 4 minutes, and then 5 minutes... and then 6.  What was going on??

Later that morning, there was a shift change for the midwives, and midwife Becky came in.  By late morning the contractions had stopped completely and I felt like a million bucks.  No contractions, no cramps, nothing.  At 11 am she suggested I sleep, that maybe my body was just exhausted from laboring the last 2 nights.  She gave me a benadryl, turned off the lights, closed the curtains, and told the nurses to leave us alone for 2 hours.  Justin and I both zonked out and slept well.

At 1:00 pm I was waking up on my own when the nurse came in to monitor baby.  He still looked good, but I was getting bored and frustrated.  The midwife offered to discharge me for a little while, but wasn't comfortable letting me go all the way home, being that we live 40 minutes away from the hospital.  She also offered to break my water, but was hesitant, explaining that if labor didn't pick up we would eventually need pitocin, which would make a water birth not possible.  She left us alone to talk about it and figure out what we wanted to do.

Justin and I talked, and I broke down crying, out of pure frustration, and not knowing what was happening.  I knew we had children at home waiting and wondering, and babysitters and other family waiting and wondering, I felt like everyone was waiting on ME and I just had no answers.  I had never had a labor like this before - starting and stopping.  I finally asked if we could please just GO HOME?  She agreed, but made us promise to head right back to the hospital as soon as I felt even a twinge of anything... afraid once labor started back up it would go quick.

So we headed home, 40 mintues away.
With me being 6-7 centimeters dilated.

We got home at 4:00 pm, had a wonderful evening (I was so happy to be HOME), went to bed, and I slept great all night.

July 1 (1 day overdue)

I had a previously scheduled checkup today at 11:40.  So once again, we had Logan babysit and we loaded the suitcase up and headed in to the clinic.

I was scheduled to see midwife Margo this time.  We explained what had been going on the last 48 hours, and she sympathized.  When she checked me, she also agreed I was 6-7 centimeters and couldn't believe nothing was happening, so she poked around and discovered that not only was baby posterior, but my cervix was not in-line with the vaginal canal, it was actually not even in line with baby's head.  So she pulled it forward a bit, and I almost crawled backward off of the table from the pain.  After the appointment she told us to go ahead and leave, but not go too far, maybe to lunch and wait for a conference call.  She was going to meet with the senior midwife (our favorite, Nanette), and an OB, to see what they suggest.

So we left the room, and on our way out of the clinic I stopped in the bathroom, where I felt a gush, and got excited thinking my water had broken, but instead discovered it was all blood.  So we went right back to the nurses station, told them what was happening, and Margo took me into the room, took a look and said, "Nevermind going to lunch, just go straight to the ER."  She figured it was just bloody show mixed with broken blood vessels, but best be safe.

So... back to the hospital we went.

We got all checked in, and we were put in the same room we had been in previously.

Our favorite midwife, Nanette, met us there, and gave us all of the options; breaking water, starting pitocin, inserting cervidil .... it was all up to us.  And then she went on to explain all of the risk factors associated with all of them, and I eventually told her that I understand a water birth may very well be out of the question at this point.  I was very disappointed, but at the same time so tired of the confusion my body was causing that I just wanted to be done.  I finally just asked her to go ahead and break my water.

3:00 pm

The breaking of the water went very smoothly, she was so gentle and calm, and explained everything as she went.  She had a tough time breaking the bag, and made a few comments referring to it being a "healthy bag" and that it was very thick.  There was a gush, but she wasn't totally satisfied and said it felt like there was still another bag that she didn't think had broken, but she wanted to leave it be, and suggested we walk and see what happens.

3:30 pm

The contractions came on fast and hard.  Right off the bat they were 7 minutes apart, and I had a very low constant steady cramp.  We continued to walk.

4:00 pm

Contractions 6 minutes apart, and getting more difficult to walk... not from pain, but from baby being SO LOW.  I was starting to waddle.

5:00 pm

Contractions were 5 minutes apart, and by then we were sticking close to the room.  I was needing Justin's help at this point, I had to have his hands on me through the contractions, whether hugging me, or rubbing my back, I needed him.  I was getting scared.  He went to the room and got my affirmation cards that said things such as:
"these contractions cannot overtake me because they ARE me"
"300,000 women are laboring with me at this very moment. I am not alone."
"my body is doing what it is designed to do."
"I am ok. I am not breaking."

I read through them over and over again, and found myself reading them out loud and not caring who heard.

One contraction doubled me over, nearly dropping me to my knees, and I cried out, and the nurse came running.  Her and Justin guided me back to the room, got me on the bed, and seeing my progression, went ahead and started to fill the tub.

It was becoming clear I needed no other intervention after all!

I labored on the bed for a bit, and decided that no, I was more comfortable walking, and that's what I was going to do. Justin and the nurse both shook their heads but there was no stopping me.  I wanted out of that room.

After that, I refused to go into the room.  I was too scared, and going in the room meant it was time to give birth.

Justin continually told me to stick close to the room, and to quit walking away.  There were a few times he was also in my ear telling me "Do NOT drop to your knees, come on, you're doing it."

Finally by 5:15 - 5:20 pm I agreed to get into the birthing tub.  I was amazed at how calm and cool I had become... laboring almost silently, with contractions still painful, but now tolerable and coming 3 minutes apart, and Justin and midwife Nanette calmly telling me how great I was doing.  All of the chaos from laboring in the hallway had faded away, it was now quiet, calm, and the lights were dimmed.

At 5:30 everything changed... I was no longer laboring silently.  Nobody was timing the contractions at that point, there was no need.  Baby was coming.  I remember yelling "I'M PUSHING".  And Nanette was right there, getting on her waterbirth scrubs and long gloves.  She checked me quick between contractions and found I wasn't quite at a 10 and still had a bit of cervix.  I told her there was no stopping it.  So with the next contraction, she pushed the cervix back and told me to go ahead and follow my body's lead.

She also directed the nurse to get the light.  Suddenly I was under a bright spotlight.  It was showtime.

I pushed for a total of a half hour.  I had Justin on my left, and Nanette on my right.  I pushed and pushed.  I cried out of frustration, "Is he coming yet??"
She reminded me of 2 steps forward 1 step back.
She told me to rest between contractions.
When it became evident that he was on his way down, her and Justin had me scoot down and pull my own knees up to my chest, a position I had never delivered in before.  I've had water births and bed births, but always just had my legs open.  This time, as I pushed, I could see for myself what was going on down there.  It was amazing.

I was still pushing when I saw Nanette reach over and tap Justin.  Baby was crowning.  Justin cried out a little bit, I saw a peek of the head, and then back he went again.  So I pushed with everything I had, saw the head crowning again, and I yelled "Just pull him out!!"  It was then that I started to lose control.  I was praying out loud to Mary mother of God to please help me, and yelling to baby saying "PLEASE! Come OUT!" and yelling to Nanette to "Help me!!"  and crying to everybody that "I can't do it anymore!"  ....the entire time Justin was telling me "Heather you're doing it.  There he is, in a minute he'll be in your arms" ... when all of a sudden out he popped. 

Bodhi Jule was born sunny side up, at 6:04 pm.  9 pounds 1 ounce, 21.5 inches long.

Some interesting things:

His head came out with the veil, he was born en caul, the 2nd bag of water was still there, and she had to peel it off of his face.  There are many legends associated with babies born en caul.

The umbilical cord was split into a Y.  One part was attached to Bodhi, the other was just floating. Remember the miscarriage?  And remember how it took weeks for them to discover I was pregnant again (or was I still pregnant?  Was Bodhi a twin?).  So many questions...

After they took Bodhi away to look him over, I delivered the placenta, and immediately started hemorrhaging again, just as I did with Estella's birth.  There was a calm rush to get me to the bed, all while I was pouring blood all over the floor.  After getting me to the bed, Nanette held towels against me to catch the blood, as she directed the nurse(s) (there was suddenly a room full of staff).  I had a nurse putting an injection of pitocin into my arm, and another nurse wrenching on my stomach area (uterus).  Neither of which was slowing the blood.  Nanette said I needed cytotec, and 5 pills were inserted rectally.

The bleeding slowed enough for her to check me over and discover I did tear a bit and needed 2 stitches.  Easy peasy.  Poor Bodhi had been put on the back burner for a while during all of the chaos, so Justin stayed back with him during most of these procedures.

When it was safe, I was handed Bodhi and nursed him, and we were given our 60 minutes of bonding time with no interruptions.

When it came time for his bath and my shower, the bleeding started back up again.  I remember being so cold in the shower I had the water on only hot and just sat there shivering.  I sat in there for a very long time, Nanette and the nurses would check on me, but I was so cold I couldn't bring myself to get out.  When Justin came in to help me out, as I stood, buckets of blood started pouring out of me again.  So it was back to the bed, and an iv of pitocin and saline was ordered and placed.  Nanette prepared me mentally for a possible transfusion, and d&c.  But by the middle of the night, when the pitocin ran out, the bleeding had tapered off enough to calm everyone's nerves.  And by late morning they were removing the heplock.  Everything was smooth sailing from then on.

One other thought, at one point after everything settled down, I remember Nanette asking Justin how he was holding up.  She then began talking with us about how hard childbirth is on the fathers, and how much she was hurting for Justin during the actual birth.  He agreed and said how hard it is not being able to DO anything to help speed things up or take away the pain.  They both told me how he would put his head down on the edge of the tub, praying and trying himself not to yell out and cry.  I did not see any of this.  As far as I'm concerned he did everything right.

I ended up getting the birth I wanted with the midwife I have always wanted.  For as weird as labor started, it all ended up perfectly.  I was so sad that it was looking like I would need all sorts of interventions and no water birth, but my body took over and did what it was supposed to.  It all worked out in the end and we got a healthy baby out of the deal.