big huge long update because I have neglected my blog again

Once again, I have neglected my blog for far too long.  Wow, that was a REALLY LONG break.

I need to start writing again, and I'm working on it.  It seemed like when I was writing, I was constantly focusing on what was important, seeing the beauty in life, and making mental notes of "I need to write about this."  I've started writing in my paper journal again as well.

Over the past (going-on-) 2 years....

The oldest, Logan, made it through 8th grade. Not his greatest year.  But he survived.  And finished the hell that is middle school.  He started high school and is excelling, so far.  His grades and reports are higher than they have ever been.  We are shocked, but in a good way. Deep down I know it is because now, it counts.  Everything he does is documented and noticed.  He is a gifted star athlete, and because of this - mixed with his personality - he has gained a few new friends in high school, but also a small handful of enemies. But, Logan knows his place, and he knows it's wisest to "stay away from where you're not wanted", and "don't force yourself to fit in where you don't belong".
We remind him often of his gift.  And we remind him there is a reason he was given this gift.  And we remind him to not throw it away. 
"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with that talent is your gift to God."
He has plans for his future, the same plans he had last year, and the year before that... and he knows the map to get there.  The focus and drive in this boy truly amazes me.

Our second oldest, Sam, went through his first year of public school, (7th grade), and survived.  He is now in 8th grade, and still doing very well.  Lots of friends, and good grades.  He is playing his first year of tackle football and loving it.  He is still learning the game, he is a step behind his team-mates, but he's catching on quickly, moving up the ranks, and enjoying it.  Our only concern at this point, is he has no goals in mind. He has no idea what direction he wants to go in through high school and future years. 
Sometimes he says he wants to go into a career involving math. 
But then a week later he wants to be a scientist.
And then the next month he wants to design video games and websites. 
But last night he said he wants to focus on sports and football. 
He's all over the board. 
I still have not seen the vision... you know, that vision - where as parents you suddenly get that vision where you're pretty sure you know exactly where that child should go in life and then pray that they follow that path.  Sam is keeping us guessing.  But last night we had a pow wow with him, to prepare him that toward the end of this year we all need to meet with his high school guidance counselor to start figuring out a future for him.  I do believe it got him thinking. 
Sam continues to be kind-hearted, though not quite as tender of a heart anymore.  He is changing, and his skin is toughening.  Not so easily broken anymore.  A good thing.  But it also means he's starting to lose that last bit of innocence.

Our token middle child, Maria, is in 3rd grade.  She tries to force herself to fit in with her older brothers.  And tries to dictate her little siblings. And between those 2 habits, she gets herself into a lot of trouble.  I call her the other mom. We say lots of prayers for this one.  She is caught between wanting to be a little lady, and wanting to be a tomboy.  She has quite a variety of friends, from the quiet shy kids, to the loud outgoing ones, which is awesome.  She is following right in Logan's footsteps.  We are seeing in her several of the same quirks and habits and choices that Logan had and did.  I believe Logan's struggles started around 3rd/4th grade so we will see what happens with this one...

Estella, the 4th child, is now in Kindergarten.  This child goes with the flow.  She picks up on social cues, and adjusts herself to fit any situation, much like a chameleon.  Very intuitive, this one.  Yet she still has a great deal of innocence.  A commercial can bring tears to her eyes.  She is full of empathy.  She sees others in pain, and I swear she feels it too.  Much like her mother.

Bodhi, the 5th child, is our ... I don't even know what he is. 
He's 2.  He's very smart.  He's our sourpatch kid.  Sour one minute and sweet the next.  He will smack you with a fly swatter, laugh, and then come over and kiss you where he hit you, and caress you, and say "I'm sorry."  We are working with him.  He is my baby boy. 

It's so interesting how they're all from the same batch, but they all need to be parented SO DIFFERENTLY.  Like for instance, in middle school we were NOT PLEASED when Logan spoke of girlfriends.  It just was not good for him.  He would start to get off course every time he had a girlfriend.
But Sam, on the other hand, has a girlfriend, and we are pretty ok with it.  Logan and Sam are just wired so differently, and what works for one son doesn't necessarily work for the other.

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So there's a little update on the kids.  They're all alive and healthy and well.

Other things:

I don't recall writing much about our 2 dogs, Willa and Hubert.  Willa, the 7 year old puggle, got incredibly grumpy with the kids and our other dog, Hubert, the 2 year old boxer.  And after we had Bodhi, she got even worse.  She would growl at the kids when they'd come near her.  She would attack Hubert when he would simply walk past her.  And when she started snipping at the little kids, it was time to be proactive.  We took her to the vet, who confirmed there were no health problems, she was just ornery.  We talked to the humane society, who assured us they would take her and she would be rehomed rather quickly.  She found a new home within 2 weeks!  We hope she is happier.
3 months after that, Hubert the boxer fell ill.  Really, really ill.  Pancreatitis mixed with advanced Lyme disease.  For weeks we made almost daily trips to the vet for iv's and tests.  He had a gallon ziplock bag full of medications we were giving him throughout the days.  We tried everything to save this dog.  I sat up nights giving him water through a syringe.  The vet eventually took him to her house where she could keep him on iv and administer care during her off-hours.  That night, at 8:30, she called me to say "He's not going to make it through the night.  Meet me at the clinic."  At 10:00 that night Hubert passed away in mine, Justin's, and Logan's arms.  Sam stood at a distance and watched and cried.  It was a deep loss.  I couldn't help thinking it was punishment for rehoming Willa.

After we began healing from that loss, we called the family that we bought Hubert from.  We knew we wanted another Boxer.  Low and behold, they had just had another litter, and 2 of the pups were not spoken for!  The stars aligned!  So now we have another boxer.  He is named Koda.  And he is a big part of our lives.
There is also a cat.  But that's another blog entry.

We had a cancer scare with Bodhi, but tests and medications cleared that up.  Some issues are starting to creep back up again, but we are keeping a close eye on him.

The big guy made 2 job switches.  One job seemed to answer our prayers financially, until layoffs started happening.  Then they made the announcement that his was one of 70-something positions being eliminated.  So he made a second switch, and it was a tug-of-war between the 2 companies, both wanting him.  This man has no schooling outside of a high school diploma, but much like my own father, he is a hard worker, dependable, and a fast learner.  They saw those qualities in him, and he had a choice to make.  He ended up taking the 2nd choice.  It has worked out very much in our favor.  It is where he should have been working a long time ago.  He just took a few detours to get there.

We had a very big loss in my family.  My mom, who fought her stage IV cancer for over 4 years, finally passed over from here to There.  Less than 2 years after we lost my dad... her dear love.
It has been a profound loss for me, I never expected to be in my 30's with small children, and no parents.  An orphan.  I still needed her.
I lean on Justin.  And not surprisingly, Logan has been a strong presence. He keeps a close eye on me when Justin is gone.  But there is still a feeling of being somewhat lost in the world.  I'm working hard at standing strong, putting my chin up, and facing my new role in life.  It's been incredible the people who have stepped forward to reach out to me.  It's as if my mom left, but she was replaced with about 25 other caring and loving people.
One of my cousins wrote to me: "You now get the baton and are now the mother figure.  How will you handle that role?  A bit scary to now be in that role.  She gave you a lot of tools over the years to fill those shoes."  He is absolutely right.  So thank you, mom, for everything you taught me.

We bought a Harley!  This is the 3rd one we've had.  We bought it with the thinking we would spend our weekends riding, and exploring, and making tons of new friends, and being care-free.. just like old times. 
You know, like when we were back in our 20's with 2 kids. 
And... it was a bad choice. 
We are not in our 20s anymore.  And we don't have only 2 kids anymore.  We clearly were not using our grownup brains with this decision. 
We went on maybe 5 good rides this summer.  Hardly worth the payment.  So, it's been sitting for sale most of the summer.

And that's about it for now.  I'm saying this here so then I have to follow through... I WILL UPDATE AGAIN SOON and start writing silly stories about our lives, just like I used to.

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