The big guy (my husband) was telling me a story today about when he recently took a ride with another married man - a man who is of the "older generation". They had pleasant conversation while they drove around.
After their ride, when my husband pulled into the man's driveway to drop him off, the man's wife was in her garden. The man yelled out the window to her something referring to how she was bending over and the size of her butt. She whipped her head around, gave him a glare, and then continued with her work. The man then did the "wink wink nudge nudge" thing while quietly saying to my husband, "I'm going to catch hell for this later, heh heh heh."
The big guy told me how he wanted the seat to swallow him. He said he was horribly uncomfortable and embarrassed for her, and was a little shocked that this very pleasant man had so blatantly cut down his wife and actually thought it was funny.
His story sparked my interest, and started a conversation between us about how I've been noticing more and more over the last few years how husbands treat their wives. I have mostly been observing those of the "older generation". I have witnessed it myself many times, where the husband will throw their wife "under the bus". You know, he'll make jokes at her expense when she wasn't doing anything to warrant it. And it seems to only happen when there are other men around. A simple conversation between a married couple and another man steers way off track to where the husband is suddenly managing to link the conversation to something stupid or silly his wife did, in return making the other guy laugh and making the wife look and feel like a total idiot.
We named off men we know who are of our generation, and none of them would even consider speaking of their wives this way... especially when their wives are sitting right there. These men respect their wives and aren't at all ashamed or emasculated in showing it.
We then listed off the men we know who are of the older generation. And most of them don't have any problems with making cracks about their wives and aren't phased to hear other men do it - not necessarily when another female is there, but definitely when another man is there. My husband sees and hears it daily in his job. And don't get me wrong - these are good people, God-fearing, respected men that we were speaking of.
I wonder if some of it has to do with the women. The majority of the women of our generation wouldn't put up with it. Could it be in part because of the second and third waves of the feminist movement? The big guy would have a black eye if he cut me down the way the husbands of the older generation do their wives. And so would the other husbands that are around our age.
From what we have seen, the wives that are of the older generation simply roll their eyes at their husbands after being cut down, or smile and blush, or simply ignore it altogether acting as if they didn't even hear their husbands' remarks.
I wonder do any of those wives go to bed at night in tears?
How many of those wives unleash on their husbands as soon as they are alone?
Or, do their wives even really notice?
Could it be because those of the older generation have typically been married so much longer? Are they just that comfortable with each other?
Is it that they know each other well enough to know that he doesn't mean any harm by it, whereas the couples of our generation are still getting to know each other? We are talking about 2 separate people, 2 separate lives, who were raised by 2 separate families - it can take several decades to really get to know each other.
IS it a generational thing? Or are these all isolated incidents that just coincidentally happen to fall into the 2 categories - our generation and the older generation?
It's not anything for me to figure out.
It's just what I have observed.
I guess all couples just do what works for them.
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